CONSTELLATIONS (VIII- XX)

Christoph Szalay über Amadora Llama (or the loving flame is also the lover that calls) von Veza Fernández
 
© Kati Göttfried
Christoph Szalay über Amadora Llama (or the loving flame is also the lover that calls) von Veza Fernández

VIII

Have u ever found urself in (a) darkness,
darling,
what did u name it?

IX

When I called my lover today,
I told them, I was running towards u instead,
(even if only for this day, darling)
hoping, u would be there to catch me,
cover me inrainbowssympathy’causeIdon’twannagetoveru

INTERLUDE I

It’s the beginning,
it’s always about the beginning,
shit.

INTERLUDE II

In the beginning,
there is

X

I was with u the whole day,
or rather,
u were with me the whole day,
even if u weren’t.

XI

DDARLINGDARLINGDARLINGDARLING
DDARLINGDARLINGDARLINGDARLING
DDARLINGDARLINGDARLINGDARLING
DDARLINGDARLINGDARLINGDARLING
DDARLINGDARLINGDARLINGDARLING
DDARLINGDARLINGDARLINGDARLING
DDARLINGDARLINGDARLINGDARLING
DDARLINGDARLINGDARLINGDARLING
DDARLINGDARLINGDARLINGDARLING
WILL U KEEP ME AROUND, PLEEEEASE,
DDARLINGDARLINGDARLINGDARLING
DDARLINGDARLINGDARLINGDARLING
DDARLINGDARLINGDARLINGDARLING
DDARLINGDARLINGDARLINGDARLING

INTERLUDE III

The beginning is a complete White-Out. You’re lost.
Only to be found again. Only to be lost again. Only

XII

I caught FEVER DREAMS,
darling,
on the way,
did u know that,

the medical definition of a fever dream
is an overheating of the brain due to
the increased body temperature,
extending and firing up the REM phases,
resulting in lucid dreams that
linger in reality longer than a normal dream?

I was followed by eyes, carved into a wooden banquet’s table,
I sat at the pond with death and her bride,
wondering, if I would ever make it to u,
but I did,
darling,
I would make it all the way to u,
darling,
I will always make it all the way to u,
darling,
I want to always make it all the way to u,
darling

INTERLUDE IV

You begin with a single line, a sentence, a movement,
almost too small to notice, only, if you remove it again,
you sense that something is missing.

XIII

I found u
sitting in silence,
darling,
covered in skies,
blue skies, evening skies, bright skies
again,
darling,
I found u
sitting in silence,
covered in skies,
blue skies, evening skies, bright skies
again,
darling,
I found u
sitting in silence,
covered in skies,
blue skies, evening skies, bright skies
again,
darling,
I found u
sitting in silence,
covered in skies,
blue skies, evening skies, bright skies
again,
darling,
I found u
sitting in silence,
covered in skies,
blue skies, evening skies, bright skies
again,
darling,
I found u
sitting in silence,
covered in skies,
blue skies, evening skies, bright skies
again,
darling,
I found u
sitting in silence,
covered in skies,
blue skies, evening skies, bright skies
again,
darling,
I found u
sitting in silence,
covered in skies,
blue skies, evening skies, bright skies
again,
darling,
I found u
sitting in silence,
covered in skies,
blue skies, evening skies, bright skies
again,
darling,
I found u

INTERLUDE V

It’s about how much you can bear, until you break into voices.
When Herta Müller was asked about her writing, she spoke of it as
an almost unbearable struggle, a writing erupting out of this struggle,
every time and only when there was no other choice anymore, at least I
remember her saying it that way. But maybe I was only reflecting my
very own terror. The act of writing, of creating, is always, or not least
an act of militancy, of terror, sometimes brought upon you with force,
or executed with force. Marianne Fritz called her writings Festung
or Fortress. A Festung or Fortress that has to be taken.

XIV

I WISH U WERE CLOSER, DARLING

XV

I WISH U WERE SOSOSO MUCH CLOSER, DARLING

XVI

I WISH U WERE SO MUCH CLOSER

INTERLUDE VI

For Maurice Blanchot’s Writing of the Disaster there
is no beginning, just as there is no ending, It is what
escapes the very possibility of experience – it is
the limit of writing. Of course the trembles and
turmoils of the beginning are no disaster, (why even
stating the obvious, really!?!), simply because
THERE IS NO DISASTER BUT THE DISASTER.
Nevertheless, I keep thinking in analogies. I keep
reading: The disaster takes care of everything.

XVII

DON’T LET ME GO, DARLING

XVIII

PLEASE, DON’T EVER LET ME GO, DARLING

XIX

PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE, DON’T LET ME GO,
DARLING, PLEASE, DON’T EVER LET ME GO,
DARLING, PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE, DON’T
LET ME GO, DARLING, PLEASE, DON’T EVER
LET ME GO, DARLING, PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE,
DON’T LET ME GO, DARLING, PLEASE, DON’T
EVER LET ME GO, DARLING, PLEASEPLEASE
PLEASE, DON’T LET ME GO, DARLING, PLEASE,
DON’T EVER LET ME GO, DARLING, PLEASE
PLEASEPLEASE, DON’T LET ME GO, DARLING,
PLEASE, DON’T EVER LET ME GO, DARLING,
PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE, DON’T LET ME GO,
DARLING, PLEASE, DON’T EVER LET ME GO,
DARLING, PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE, DON’T
LET ME GO, DARLING, PLEASE, DON’T EVER
LET ME GO, DARLING, PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE,
DON’T LET ME GO, DARLING, PLEASE, DON’T

INTERLUDE VII

The beginning takes care of everything.

XX

IF I AM DREAMING ALL THIS, DARLING WILL U BE THERE WHEN I WAKE UP?????????

 

 

Christoph Szalay. geb. 1987. Studium der Germanistik in Graz sowie Kunst im Kontext an der UdK Berlin. Literaturbeauftragter des FORUM Stadtpark Graz. Zuletzt: When I walk through the city, I see flags everywhere, and I am always curious if they will speak to me or stay silent, Limitierte Publikation, POGON, Zagreb, 2019 / Heimat, Installation, Steirischer Herbst, 2018 / OCTOPUS, Performance mit Marta Navaridas & Alex Deutinger, 2018. Preise/Stipendien (u.a.): Alice Salomon Poetik Preis 2019, Stipendiat Akademie Schloss Solitude (Bildende Kunst|Theorie, 2018-2019), Wolfgang Weyrauch Förderpreis 2017, LICHTUNGEN Lyrikstipendium 2017.
toutlemondesaitque.com
and-then-we-ran-into-the-ocean

 

Zitate/Quotations:

IX
The National – Sorrow, Aaron B. Dessern / Matthew D. Berninger, BMG

XII
Exhibition text, Fever Dream (22.4.-18.5.2019), Gianni Manhattan, Vienna

INTERLUDE V
quoted from a talk with Fred Büchel (fritzpunkt.at), where he is referring to Marianna Fritz‘ self-designation of her writings „Naturgemäß I-III“

INTERLUDE VI
Maurice Blanchot – The Writing of the Disaster, University Press Nebraska 1995

 

 

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